Sharon

Eh, this week is turning out to be better then last week.

Avi and I aren't really on the outs anymore.. he came over for a couple of hours earlier to just chill. I need to have one of those serious conversations with him.. but I am avoiding the whole thing until it is really necessary. Lucy helped me come up with what I really need to say to him.. but also at the same time I know what I have to say will hurt both of us in a way.

I've pretty much come to the conclusion that he is one of my closest and dearest friends. He is the only one I want to call or have around when I am feeling down.. even when he is the reason why I am feeling so "bleh!". It confuses me to no end. I love him as a friend, but I haven't known him long enough to be -in- love. No matter what I do, or how I see him.. as a friend or as more then just a friend. It is going to hurt to have to say good bye in July. But no matter what happens, he will always be a good friend to me. I will be here for him before he leaves for China, I will be here for him while he is in China, and I'll be here for him when he gets back from China. A year is a long time, but his friendship is worth it.

This whole week has been just shitty as hell. I am definitely looking forward to next week because I don't think it could get any worse.

Avi and I have been forced to work practically the same shifts all week. (Note: This has never happened before back when we were seeing each other.. Our work schedules always made it hard to see each other outside of work.) And he has just taken it upon himself to be an ass.. I really hate this side of his personality.. But then again I feel sorta bad because everyone was ignoring him all night since he was on coffee and we were all on food goofing around since NO ONE was in Mezzo all night. We never even had a dinner rush.. But while we were closing Avi just totally stopped talking at all. There was one point where I happened to take trash out at the same time he was in the back alleyway and he was just back there slamming shit around..

Well.. after work we all.. minus Avi.. went over to Sara S.'s  and hung out until 3.. I feel sorta bad that Avi didn't get an invite to come.. but we all know he wouldn't come anyways.. Ugh. I feel like I did in High School over this crap with him. I still like him.. and I don't want it to be awkward.. but pretty much the only conversation I've had with him was about him dropping a bread end on my head.. Bleh.

I really haven't felt like myself lately. And it's been bumming me out greatly. Well to the point that I've been seriously depressed and haven't been sleeping or eating. My depression has never gotten this bad so I don't even know what to do with myself. I've lost a lot of weight.. Jeans that I bought two weeks ago that fit perfect fall off me now.

Let me put it this way.. I am Physically, Mentally, and Emotionally exhausted.

I hate my job even more than normal. It is actually unbearable to have to go to work. I am just so done. But it'll be almost impossible to find another cafe job here in Berkeley with Intermezzo on my record. Intermezzo kind of has a reputation for having the worst customer care. Even though I am not like that.. many of my co-workers are. About 90% of them come to work high.. and just as their high wears off they take a break and smoke another joint. They don't even know what the hell a work ethic is.. which bugs the crap out of me. I dunno.. I've been talking a lot about this with Avi (one of my co-workers and also the guy I was kind of seeing but it didn't work out) and we are both just done with the place. But we are almost to the point of having to ask for a letter of recommendation from our managers so that we are able to find other jobs. Not to mention a lot of my problems at work for the last two weeks have been because of my situation with Avi. One of my co-workers saw us.. and next thing you know everyone knows at work.. and are gossiping about it. And I honestly HATE it. I hate when people talk about me behind my back.. and most of why Avi and I didn't work out was the fact that I do care a lot about him.. but he is just indifferent to all the crap going around. The rest of why Avi and I didn't work out is a whole other  situation that has  nothing to do with work.

Avi.. Avi.. Avi.. ugh. I care about that boy more than I would like to. Most people seem to think he is gay.. just because he just doesn't show  affection in the way most people show it. I was his first kiss.. which.. makes it worse. But he is leaving to explore China for a year in July and that has been weighing on both of our emotions. And tonight we finally just cracked and couldn't take it anymore.. I was the one who ended it after saying somethings I didn't really want to say but had to say them. He doesn't have ANY EXPERIENCE AT ALL WITH FEMALES.. so he has no freaking clue how to deal with me. He just wants to enjoy the time we have right now.. which I honestly want to.. But the more time I spend with him the more I actually end of liking him. Which means that when July rolls around no matter what I do I will be an emotional wreak. and I just can't handle it. I want to be friends.. I just ended what our limited physical contact was.. no more hugging.. no more holding hands.. no more kissing.. Bleh. Now to actually still have to work in close contact with him.. this will be weird.

One of the last things that I have been trying to get over is the fact that I don't even know who I am anymore at all. I don't like the same things I liked before. I can't listen to music.. I don't take pictures anymore.. I don't even own a camera.. I don't play flute anymore.. I don't spend time on the computer anymore.. I don't write anymore.. I don't really read any more because I have run out of books by my favorite authors.. I don't bike or run anymore..  I just really don't know who the true Sharon is anymore. I don't know what I like. My friends that I've been friends with for a long time just are interesting to hang out with anymore.. it is all just the same crap over and over. I really just need a change in life. I am soo sick of all of this. I am sitting here in silence because I can't stand anything I have on my computer. I guess I would say I am having an identity crisis.. =/

I'll write more later.. but I just can't bring myself to write anymore

I've noticed that I have stopped writing in general. It is a tad bit depressing. A lot has changed in my life since the last time I posted an entry in here.

1. I quit Proactiv
2. I moved to the house in Berkeley
3. I found a new job at Cafe Intermezzo on Telegraph Ave. in Berkeley
4. Trent and I broke up after 13 months of being together
5. I met someone new and have been dating a bit

So yeah. =)

Poll #812997 What should I name my frog?!
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: Friends, participants: 7

What should the name of my frog be?

( Article after Proof Read )

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Thanks to a wonderful friend of mine who took my original article proof read it, and rearranged my article in some ways that I wanted to do from the beginning but just couldn't figure out how to do it.  And now it is EXACTLY how I wanted it. I flipping heart you man.

Help me out. All fill this out.. It'll only take a few moments of your time.

http://kevan.org/johari?name=Oliveloafed

IF A MOVIE WAS MADE OF YOUR LIFE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?

- - - - - - - Your Life: The Soundtrack - - - - - - - -
So, here's how it works:
Open your music player (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, etc).
Put it on shuffle.
Press play.
For every question type the song that's playing.
When you go to a new question press the next button.
Some songs fit perfectly.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Opening Credits: Diary of Jane - Breaking Benjamin

Waking Up: October Skies - Snow Patrol

Falling in Love: Good Times Gonna Come - Aqualung

Fight scene: Ocean Waves - Flyleaf

Breaking up: Animals - Nickleback

Getting back together: Tornado - Adema

Secret Love: At the Mall - Damone

Life's okay: Is This My Fate? He Asked Them - Story Of The Year

Mental breakdown: A Little's Enough - Angels and Airwaves

Driving Flashback: Impact - Taproot

Partying: The Adventure- Angels and Airwaves

Happy Dance: Out Here All Night - Damone

Regretting: The Way You Like It - Adema

Long night alone: I Miss You - Incubus

Final Battle: Nothing To Prove - Story Of The Year

Death scene: Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen

End credits: Chel - Adema

I tag everyone!

A tad bit on whats been going on with me lately.

So, I got my paper in on time on Friday. To my lovely surprise my American Studies teachers had a surprise for the people who actually got off their lazy asses and wrote their paper. (15 out of 60 people didn't write their paper) Basically everyone who wrote their paper, now offically doesn't have to take the final from hell. So yay! NO FINAL! Oh and get this.. to everyone who had a paper to turn in on friday.. we now all have till Tuesday to write the paper. Monday is Memorial Day so no school..
Diarama is due on Wednesday..
Geometry Test/Final on Tuesday
Adult School History final on Tuesday
Diarama is due on Wednesday
Adult School English final on Thursday

LAST FEW DAYS!
Friday.. woot woot! Instead of sitting in my classes on Friday I'll be enjoying the end of the year field trip to Great America. Which makes me really happy. This will be the first year that I'll be allowed to go because I will actually be passing the class. (Freshman year I wasn't allowed to go because I wasn't in CCA.. (Center for Creative Arts) and Sophomore year I had the teachers from hell for CCA)

So... today.. well yesterday.. I was hella tired. But I had a busy day.. after pulling an all nighter on Thursday.. I finally got to sleep on Friday.. and flipping Greg texted me at about 1:30ish.. and I hadn't put my phone on silent.. so I almost had a heart attack.
 
  so.. Early afternoon.. I had a photoshoot with me as the model. Yes I'm cool like that. =P In all actuality.. I don't think I'm all that pretty.. but Greg insisted because he liked all the pictures of me that I took of myself. So I kinda gave him a challenge to be able to take a picture of me that I actually like.. I dunno if he succeeded yet.. I'll hopefully get to see them soon.
  The Photoshoot was fun. I got to hang out with Olya and Lysa. We took pictures at Lake Elizabeth. For all of you who don't know of Lake Elizabeth because you don't live in Fremont.. It's one of the most beautiful places in Fremont. And thats saying something. But we took pictures by the dock.. by the creek.. in the creek.. and at the large playground. omg.. there was a poor duck with only one foot.. the other leg just had a stump.
  After the photoshoot we hung out for a bit.. played tag on the playground.. which we really aren't spose to do because Olya has Epilepsy (sp?) She was resently diagnosed with it.. so yeah. But it was fun to be able to play tag.. hell a 19 year old, 2 16 year olds and a 17 year old.. playing tag.. it was a sight to see.. although.. Lysa flipping kicked me in the head.. it was fun. Went to Taco Bell.. had that Grande Meal thingie.. was interesting... haha. We barely had enough for it ;.;.. oh well

  At about 2:30, they dropped me off because I had to get to Lauren's for her 18th birthday party, and I promised her that I'd be there by 3. Got there at about 3:05.. oh well.. that was alot.. earlier than I thought I'd get there.
  Lauren's party was fun. Double Dare themed! Got soaking wet, covered in whipped cream, egg in my face and hair.. and my shorts.. and all down my leg.. covered in slime. And dude.. it was for Lauren's 18th birthday! All though I was the girly girl one.. I originally didn't want egg in my hair at all.. (of course it ended up in my hair thanks to Sarah..)
  Oh.. and hehe.. the guy I had a crush on all sophomore year was there. Turns out he is Lauren's cousin. Along with Shanna and Ryan Sare who are in my 6th period class. And Sarah was there.
  The party was fun.. although I learned a few hours afterwards.. that well.. I was allergic to something.. and broke out in hives. BAH!

I finished it!

 

( Short Story! )

Merry Christmas everyone!

For the first time in 4 months.. I'm single again..

heartacheishard took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! "Wants to make a favorable impression and be regard..." Click here to read the rest of the results.

Bowling

Hosted By:
Sharon & Tiff

When:
Friday Jul 29, 2005
at 7:00 PM


Where:
Cloverleaf Bowling Ally (Ya'll know where it is!)
Fremont, CA 94538
US


Okie dokie! We haven't hung out all summer.. and I am plan too lazy to figure out all of Ya'll's numbers! So here is the deal! Call people and invite them. If you need to get ahold of me or Tiff call me at (510) 776-5005 or Tiff at (510) 552-4904

We want to see everyone there! Cuse its been too long.. hell we only have like 4 more weeks of vacation left! Love ya all! ~*Sharon*~

( The Story again.. )